By Tony Streamer
Anybody else out there tired of politics in video games? Now I’m an 90’s kid, so back in my day, games were for men and tomboys. Women got to show up as characters too, but they were either damsels for men to save or Chun-Li. Nowadays, I can’t even play an RPG without the game asking me to choose my gender. Why should I have to choose? I’m proud to be born a man and more than comfortable in my own body!
Shouldn’t I be able to play a game without feeling that my Christian values are under attack? I know I’m not the only one who feels this way either! Over the last few years a lot of other Men’s Right’s Activists have been similarly blowing their whistles about the damage Liberals and Social Justice Warriors have been doing to our favorite past-time, and it’s gotten plenty of coverage. However, what the reader might not have known until now is that none of this is new! It’s just way more reported now because we have the internet! Let me explain: Back in my greatest years, we had Pac-Man and Ms. Pac-Man. The Misses would only be a “-Man” by name though, because in this golden era of Video Game History, women’s features were put on full display, so that we all knew who liked Hot Wheels and who liked Barbie.
Now, as a mostly tolerant straight guy, I can put away my alpha-male pride for a few minutes, put my wolf-gender politics aside, and enjoy a good game of Ms. Pac-Man. And yes, I do recognize that it should be a Mrs. Pac-Man since they’re wed, but I’ll let it slide because it the 80s were a wild time. Hell, if I’m drunk enough and the bar has both machines, I’ll even pick the more effeminate machine and role-play the Misses for a night…BUT ONLY BECAUSE IT’S TECHNICALLY A BETTER GAME!! By design, the machine has more levels in it, which ultimately lets the player get higher scores. It also usually has a better Man to Women ratio with regards to its player base, so by design it lets the player get higher scores.
While the SJW bullshit might have started with Pac-Man in the early 80s, the market would crash in 1984. You would think the liberalism would just die with the industry…but it didn’t. Out of the ashes of the American Arcades, Japanese companies such as Nintendo would transform an industry, and in the process, wrap their SJW liberal politics into $60 cartridges. Gone was the clear gender distinction of the bow, lipstick and leggy legs! New games, such as The Legend of Zelda, would be shoved into our systems as a front for a SJW cultural appropriation plan! What do I mean by that you ask? Zelda is a game named after the princess you save, not the hardworking man whose role the player plays. The “man” by the way is effeminately named the gender neutral “Link,” and portrayed the same way. In fact, if it wasn’t for the manual and fan fiction insisting that Link is a boy, I would’ve guessed the opposite based on the long hair alone! However, to Link’s credit, he does spend the game doing conservative man things like solving puzzles, smashing furniture, and lighting torches. I can go on and on, but I’m sure that the reader has had enough of my ranting, and save the rest of it for the War on Christmas, which I heard it starting earlier this year…
-TS