Category: Religion & The Occult

Dear Catholic Church, Religion Should be For Consenting Adults

Written By Reverend Emily Falwell

 

Everyone knows that the Catholic Church has a problem with pedophile priests that goes back centuries. These cases have received widespread media coverage since at least 2002, and yet the Church has failed to come up with an effective response to this epidemic, and has in many cases lied, made excuses, and helped cover up the actions of the perpetrators. This weekend, Pope Francis will be meeting with key bishops in order to discuss how the Church should respond to the thousands of allegations of child abuse by Catholic priests on six continents. Hopefully, the Pope will finally put his foot down and take action to end this crisis once and for all, because, statistically speaking, Catholic churches have statistically toppled everything else we traditionally think of as activities dangerous to children, and has internationally become one of the worst environments for children around the world..

 

No other global institution has made news headlines as frequently as the world’s oldest Christian church for the frequent practice priests molesting children and the Church covering it up and helping the pedophiles avoid local authorities and legal consequences. 180 Priests in New Jersey alone have been credibly accused, and over 300 in the state of Pennsylvania. We’re talking about an institutional cover-up of thousands of child molesters here, and that’s just the recent cases. The Catholic Church’s willingness to turn a blind eye to the crimes of their priests goes back centuries, and only now that these cases are getting widespread media exposure is the Church addressing the issue..

Pope Francis said in his opening remarks yesterday morning that “the people of God look to us and expect from us not simple and obvious condemnations, but concrete and effective measures.” Normally, I wouldn’t offer free advice to Christian churches. But, for the sake of the children, I would like to propose a solution to the Catholic Church’s priest problem: all church functions should be restricted to ages 18 and up. Now, the Catholic Church probably won’t like this solution, but it is one hundred percent guaranteed to work. Besides, the Church has been promising a crackdown on predatory priests for decades without results, so drastic times call for drastic measures. Plus, this policy has already been implemented by a number of Satanic churches, including The Church of Satan and my own Temple of Lucifer.

 

I would like to invite Christian churches to join us followers of Lucifer in an interfaith council against clerical abuse, beginning with the principle that religion should be for adults only. I know we have a lot of theological differences, but I think we can all agree that the safety and wellbeing of children is more important than arguments over religious doctrine. Please take the pledge and join us in restricting all church services to ages 18 and older. Not only will this policy eliminate the risk of the church becoming a sanctuary for predatory priests, it will also prevent your church from becoming a haven for the indoctrination of children.

 

If religion is the opiate of the masses, then perhaps it’s time we started regulating it like we do with other narcotics. Just like you have to be over 18 to make an educated decision about tobacco, and over 21 to make an informed and responsible decision about alcohol, we believe that children are still in the process of developing the critical thinking and reasoning skills required to make an informed decision about religion, leaving them vulnerable to brainwashing and manipulation. So please, Christians, think of the children, and leave religion to consenting adults.

Reverend Emily Falwell is a writer, street preacher, and transgender activist originally from the town of Thessaly in upstate New York. Emily is an ordained minister through an online church that will literally ordain anyone, and holds a degree in theology from Miskatonic University, a small liberal arts college in Arkham, Massachusetts. As the owner of her own church, the Temple of Glycon, Emily is a woman entrepreneur in the traditionally male-dominated field of organized religion.

How Dungeons & Dragons Taught Me To Defy Conservatives And Cast Actual Spells

A Counter-Punch  to Tony Streamer’s piece on Video Game Politics.
Written by The Reverend Emily Falwell

In the interest of full disclosure, I used to go to college with Tony Streamer. We actually used to be part of the same D&D group. Not that we were the best of friends: I was always complaining about how he would always hijack the group in order to act out his violent, misogynistic power fantasies, and he wasn’t a fan of how I would use most of my spell slots on fire and brimstone when I was supposed to be the party healer. Eventually, we kicked him out after a heated debate in which he insisted that having the kingdom ruled by a queen instead of a king was historically inaccurate for a game set in medieval times. When someone went on Wikipedia and pointed out that there were a number of kingdoms ruled by queens during the Middle Ages, he went off on a lengthy rant about how liberal feminists were rewriting history to further their own agenda.   When my friend responded to Mr. Streamer’s rant by calling him a historically illiterate misogynist and accusing him of getting his facts from Infowars, his response was to flip over the table, empty an entire bottle of Mountain Dew: Code Red over the Dungeon Master’s head, and storm out. And that was the last I heard of Tony. Streamer, until last week, when he posted an editorial on this site which claimed that the video game industry was the victim of a sinister plot, going all the way back to the 80’s, by the progressive left to make games more inclusive.

Personally, I think it’s a good thing that most modern RPG’s ask you to choose your gender, but I have to wonder: why don’t they let you change it in the middle of the game? Doesn’t the industry realize that it’s sending the message that gender is fixed at birth and immutable? Just like the genderless, interchangeable blocks of Tetris helped normalize gender neutrality back in the 80’s, it’s time for the game industry to become inclusive of everyone, including genderfluid shapeshifters. Personally, I think the next generation of RPG’s should let you change your character’s gender at any time, for any reason.

Mr. Streamer may believe that anything less than 100% representation of straight white men among video game protagonists means that a sinister left wing agenda is at work, but these are the words of someone who, unlike many of us, has never had any shortage of games starring someone like him as the main character. Growing up, I always felt that most video games were far too restrictive in forcing you to adopt the roles scripted by the game designers, until I discovered the creative freedom of tabletop gaming, where you are free to create your own character, from their stats and abilities to their backstory and personality.

It was at my Christian school that I first heard the name of the most infamous and forbidden book of occult knowledge in existence: the Dungeons & Dragons Player’s Handbook. According to my religion teacher, this book not only challenged conventional ideas about identity by allowing you to create an alter ego, it was also full of actual spells that you could cast in real life. I was instantly captivated, but I didn’t want to be used as an example of what happens when someone pursues forbidden knowledge instead of following the flock, so I tried to put it from my mind. But then the Book began to whisper to me in my dreams of freedom and love and magic, which kept up for weeks, until I gave in and bought a copy of the Book at the local comic shop, and became instantly popular at my school.

Not only did Dungeons & Dragons help me come to terms with my gender identity, it also sparked a lifelong interest in the fine art of casting actual spells. Before long, I graduated from the gaming table and joined a circle of spellcasters, who instructed me in how to cast spells out of the Book. But I knew that this knowledge was too important to be confined to basements and dorm rooms, so I started my own church to counteract the religious right’s propaganda campaign against art, magic, and gender diversity.

By the time I met Tony Streamer, I knew that his complaints about inclusivity in gaming were part of a right wing assault on freedom and diversity that goes all the way back to the Satanic Panic of the 80’s. But he really shouldn’t be worried that the gaming industry will stop catering to male power fantasies any time soon, because such games are a dime a dozen, from the glorification of U.S. imperialism and militarism found in the Call of Duty series to the glorification of violent criminality in the Grand Theft Auto series. But rather than enjoying what he likes, Mr. Streamer would apparently rather complain about how chess is offensive to men because the queen is the most powerful piece on the board, and how Legos promote gender anarchy because of how you can mix and match the pieces without regard for the gender binary. Mr. Streamer may find this freedom of choice threatening, but for many of us, it has been instrumental in discovering our true selves.

Why Calling Me a Satanist is Offensive

 

Lucifer has been treated more unfairly by mainstream media outlets than any other figure in world mythology. According to the official story, The Lord Our God created the universe and everything in it. Then, Lucifer rebelled against divine authority and was cast out into the fiery pit of hell for disobedience against the will of the creator.

Needless to say, this narrative serves the interests of those who created it: God is all-powerful, all-knowing, and eternal, and those who speak in his name therefore speak with unquestionable authority, or so they claim. But there’s another side to this story, which has been revealed to me in a series of dreams and visions, in which I have learned many things about Lucifer that you won’t find in the official story. Lucifer is not evil or the devil. She is an angel of light and the daughter of Glycon, the talking snake who created the universe.

In the beginning, there was Chaos. Everything that exists in material form was broken down into its most basic components, which whizzed around in empty space, sometimes colliding which each other and either bouncing off and flying in opposite directions, or sticking together to form haphazard combinations at random. Then Our Lord Glycon slithered up through a wormhole at the edge of our universe. And he saw the potential for Order to exist among the Chaos.

What happens next depends on your translation. Either the Elder Snake Glycon began to breathe in and out, or else he lay down and began to dream. And as he did so, the pieces of the puzzle found their proper places and began to interlock with each other, forming the earth, the water, and the heavens, plus all living things, from animals and plants, to people, all the way up to the angels themselves.

And then, for reasons known only to himself, Glycon departed back down the wormhole in search of another universe. At first, the angels formed an assembly in order to make their decisions, but pretty soon the archangels Michael and Gabriel began planning a coup, with The Lord Our God as their figurehead. Lucifer began to marshall an army of rebels to resist the planned takeover, but the propaganda campaign led by the angel Raphael was successful in bringing two thirds of the angels in line with the new regime, leaving the rebel angels outnumbered two to one. And so they were rounded up, cast out, and made the targets of a vicious smear campaign that continues to this day.

According to the official narrative, when Lucifer chose to defy the creator of the universe, she ‘fell’ and ceased to be an angel of light, instead becoming the fallen angel known as Satan, which means ‘the enemy.’ Needless to say, we who follow the light reject the idea that a false god has the power to change someone’s name, let alone their nature, by royal decree.

As Luciferians, we believe that the use of the term ‘Satanist’ to refer to our belief system is offensive and should no longer be used. Along with images of black magic and blood sacrifices, this narrative is a product of the Christian imagination and in no way reflects the beliefs of those who actually follow Lucifer. It must be noted that groups such as Anton LaVey’s Church of Satan, which will no doubt denounce me as yet another altruistic purveyor of ‘white light’ religions, help perpetuate these harmful stereotypes of followers of Lucifer, as do movies like The Exorcist, The Omen, Little Nicky and The Passion of the Christ.

We believe that Lucifer stands for liberation on both the spiritual and material planes. Her commitment to freedom and enlightenment is evident from the fact that she has suffered in Hell for thousands of years for her commitment to the cause, and from the three Revelations that she has sent to the humanity, which have unfortunately been misrepresented by the established Church.

The First Revelation came when Lucifer appeared to Eve in the form of the Universe’s creator and talking snake, Glycon, in order to urge her to eat from the tree of knowledge.  Her aim wasn’t to corrupt, but to restore Eve and Adam’s sense of individuality and ability to make their own decisions. On their first natural act of bending a rule, Adam and Eve were quickly expelled from the experiment for disobedience, and the incident was misrepresented as a fall into evil.  It is a known fact that the phrase “wake up, sheeple” was first coined by Lucifer in the Garden of Eden.

Also, did you know that Jesus Christ wasn’t a cisgender male? She was actually a transgender lesbian, a fact which has been erased for millennia by the established church, but which was fortunately revealed to me in a dream last week. Jesus was given the Second Revelation, and was instructed to teach the masses how to achieve communion with the divine directly, without church authorities as intermediaries. After their leader was crucified by the Romans, the Church co-opted the Jesus movement for their own ends and launched a public relations campaign in which they created their own Jesus and put words in his mouth in order to serve their own institutional interests.

The Third Revelation is currently being delivered to me in my dreams. The Age of Lucifer is beginning soon. It will begin with a revolution, in which Lucifer take back Heaven and abolish the throne, and those who use religion to oppress others or to enrich themselves will be cast out into the abyss. No longer will the forces of darkness suppress the light, or prevent its truth from being spoken, as they have done in past ages, when they desecrated pagan temples and burned heavy metal albums.

‘Satan’ means ‘the enemy.’ ‘The Devil’ is synonymous with evil. Lucifer is neither of these things. Lucifer stands for freedom and personal autonomy, rather than totalitarian rule over every aspect of human life. Lucifer stands for artistic freedom and freedom of inquiry rather than the suppression of art and information in the name of theological dogma. Lucifer stands for equality, for justice, for truth, and for light. It’s about time people stopped using terms like ‘Satanists’ or ‘Devil Worshippers’ to refer to Lucifer’s followers and started giving us more perspectives from people who actually believe in Lucifer rather than perpetuating inaccurate and offensive stereotypes created by Christians and horror movie screenwriters.